It’s not like I don’t have my own personality. My husband was once asked who my daughter takes after, and he said, “She’s wild, just like her mother.” I looked at my husband when he said this, and he was smiling at me, so I took it as a compliment. I certainly am no doormat. But I don’t start off a conversation with my husband hardened in my own opinion (at least not usually). I come with a complete openness. I ditch whatever is in my head, and I take on what is in my husband’s head. His mind trumps mine. Many times I permanently drop my former opinion, because now that I think of something from my husband’s point of view, I realize that he’s right.
Even if he’s not right, there’s no way for me to influence his thinking unless I fully understand his position. Just so you know, this is called listening. Men wish their wives listened to them. Wives don’t. They stand there and wait for their husband to finish blathering whatever they have to say. Then the wife spouts her own opinion.
Listening to your husband, by the way, is crucial to submission. How can you follow your husband when you have no idea where he is going and don’t even care?
One of my biggest problems in learning how to submit to my husband was that I felt strongly about everything. It’s just the way God made me. This isn’t necessarily sin. But I thought that if I felt more strongly about something than my husband did, it was only fair that I get my way. What I didn’t realize was that I wasn’t letting my husband lead. To avoid conflict, a man will just back off. It’s way less work. But then the wife isn’t happy either, because she resents the fact that her husband isn’t leading. And it’s her fault.
Most women think of submission as having to crucify their own personality, but this is not true at all. Yes, you must crucify SIN that happens to be a part of your personality, but that’s not who you truly are. If you are saved, the core of your being is a new creation, and you are now a saint. Your deepest desire is to please God. Sin has no part of that. You can get rid of sin without losing who you are. Yes, getting rid of sin is painful, but you feel so much more pure afterwards. There’s a singing in your soul that makes you more lovely to your husband, and a better mom, too. Crucifixion of sin causes you to hold more of God within you. And the Spirit of God brings peace and joy to your home.
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