Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

Don’t Attribute Wrong Motives to Your Husband

Friday, February 28th, 2014

wrong-motives-to-your-husband

Don’t attribute wrong motives to your husband. In the same way that you are a new creation at salvation, your husband is also a new creation. Deep down he desires to please God. Even if he is trapped in his flesh and sins out of habit–usually through some form of selfishness–so do you. None of us who are true believers wants to do the wrong thing. Our conscience makes us feel bad, and we ask God to help us overcome sin.

I used to attribute wrong motives to my husband without even realizing it. My husband would make a statement, and I would twist his statement to make him seem like he was attacking me when he wasn’t. “Susan , you’re just hurting yourself by making up something that I didn’t say,” he told me one day. I stopped in my tracks and realized that he was right. He had made a statement that was not positive or negative, and I had extrapolated a negative motivation behind it. And there he was, refusing to defend himself because I was the one causing the problem.

“I don’t know how to stop doing it,” I said to my husband, referring to the fact that I would subconsciously attribute the worst motive to him instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt and expecting that we were on the same side. “What should I do? My brain automatically makes you out to be the bad guy, and I don’t want to do that any more. Help me figure out what to do.”

We sat down, and he prayed with me. We asked God to break this pattern of negative interaction. Do you know what? From that day forward, I stopped doing it!

Most areas of sin in my life take years for me to overcome, but this one was resolved in an instant. I’m not sure if God just fixed the negative pattern in my brain through a miracle, or if realizing that I was twisting my husband’s words and hurting my marriage caused me to be aware of what I was doing. In any case, I praise God that this destructive pattern is gone from my marriage!

I talk about this a lot more in my free audio about how powerful praying with your spouse can be: How to Get Your Husband to Pray with You

How Does Your Identity Affect Marriage?

Friday, February 21st, 2014

identity-affect-marriageHow does your identity affect marriage? If you are a believer, you are a new creation in Christ. The core of your being desires to please God. First I’m going to address how understanding your identity in Christ causes you to derive your worth from Christ so that you’re not so needy with your husband.

In another article, I will show you how to not attribute wrong motives to your husband, because if he is a believer, his identity is to please God. This affects everything in your marriage. You will begin to see each other in a more positive light.

You must understand who you are in Christ so that you don’t think of yourself as inadequate. Most women view themselves this way. They compare their outer bodies to supermodels who have been airbrushed, and they resent that their own bodies don’t respond when they put in tons of workouts. I myself have given birth 4 times, and my stomach is not the same as it used to be. Just try to take care of your body as best you can, and your positive attitude can take care of the rest.

When you come to Christ, you are forgiven from all sin. You are clean, and God has taken your old nature and replaced it with a new nature. You are now a saint. God is transforming you into His image. You are becoming more and more beautiful inside.

Christ gives you worth. You were created for a purpose, and you can ask God how to fulfill your life purpose so that you can have more joy in your life. If you feel fulfilled in your life, even if you have a flabby stomach, you will still feel good about yourself because of the inward joy of living out what you are supposed to be doing with your life.

Don’t rely on your husband to build you up. If you hang your worth on what your husband says, you are setting yourself up for unnecessary pain. Men say things casually without realizing the emotional implication of their words. Like when I said, “Does this shirt make me look fat?” and my husband said that I’ve had four kids. Wrong answer. Bzzz… You struck out, mister. I could wallow in the pain of that statement, or I can derive my worth from the Lord, knowing that beauty comes from the inside, and that I’m exercising to stay in shape. My husband meant to say that he didn’t expect me to look the same as when I married him, and that of course I was beautiful to him. But he didn’t say it at the time because he felt trapped by the situation. Men don’t want to feel forced to say a certain thing. It feels disingenuous to them. Their minds move on to something else, and they have no idea that they’ve devastated their wives.

Don’t let that happen. Derive your complete worth from Christ. He loves you so much that He died for you. I have close friends that have been abused by their husbands physically, and they absolutely had to disconnect their worth from their husband’s mindless statements. This is not who you are. You are a daughter of the King.

Don’t allow your mind to dwell on negative things. Your mind has a doorway. Shut the door on anything that is not good, right, and true. (Philippians 4:8) Most of the time when we feel like a piece of dirt, it’s because we have allowed ourselves to wallow in our hormones, letting our minds drift into whatever. We spiral deeper and deeper into a negative state. You can stop that spiral at any time. Start breaking free from negative thought patterns and walk in the freedom of your identity in Christ! If you need help with controlling your mind, here is a free audio that will show you how to take every thought captive.

32 Date Night Ideas for Married Couples

Friday, February 14th, 2014

date-night-ideas-for-married-couples

If you’ve gotten into a rut with your husband and would like to refresh your marriage, why not have fun with these 32 Date Night Ideas for married couples:

  • stargazing
  • renting a boat or canoe on a river or lake
  • sitting outside in the moonlight
  • bicycle riding
  • horseback riding
  • going to a restaurant for dinner
  • watching a movie
  • walking along a lake shore or dock nearby
  • hiking in the woods
  • racing around in go-carts
  • scuba diving or snorkeling
  • swimming or hot tub
  • giving each other a massage
  • sky diving
  • white water rafting
  • shooting at a rifle range
  • taking photos of each other
  • going on a train ride
  • attending a concert outdoors
  • eating a murder mystery dinner
  • going to an art gallery
  • slow dancing to great music
  • floating in a hot air balloon
  • sledding down a hill
  • swinging on the swings of a nearby park
  • skiing on a mountain
  • going for a walk while it’s snowing
  • ice skating or roller skating
  • having a nurf gun fight
  • checking into a nearby motel
  • going to an arboretum
  • seeing what’s in the local paper (there’s sometimes free stuff to do)

If you would like to print out this list and use it like a bucket list, here it is:

 

How to Get Your Husband to Pray with You

Friday, February 7th, 2014

how-to-get-your-husband-to-pray-with-you

How do you get your husband to pray with you? What if you have gotten into the habit of never praying together? How do you break this cycle?

How to Get Your Husband to Pray with You

  • Love and accept him for who he is. Ask God to change you so that you have a high opinion about your husband.
  • Don’t guilt trip your husband during your prayer. (I explain this more in the audio.)
  • Be vulnerable. An atmosphere of vulnerability deepens your love for each other.
  • Get rid of all bitterness toward your spouse.
  • Don’t use religious language, but pray the way that you talk, especially if this is the way your husband prays. This will make him not feel out of place while praying with you. Honesty trumps religiosity of language. Just be real so that he can relate to you.
  • Don’t characterize your husband as evil because of habits of sin in his life. He is a new creation and wants to please the Lord, but he is trapped in his flesh. You don’t want him to characterize you as evil because of your sin that he sees that he will not tell you about, because you will defend yourself. Look up to your husband and respect him, even if he sins. (I tell you how to do this in the audio.)
  • Understand that your husband is not inferior to you spiritually. Looking down on others is sin. Philippians 2 commands us to see other people as better than ourselves.
  • Admit your own shortcomings.
  • Pray that God will help you to draw together spiritually through prayer.
  • Allow your husband to lead you spiritually by following him spiritually. Even if he is a new believer, God has equipped him to lead you spiritually. If you allow him to lead, he is more likely to pray with you.

Here is the 30-minute audio workshop to help you pray together as husband and wife:

Right-click the link, “Save as,” and choose “Desktop” to download the audio. To listen to more audios on prayer and get a free e-book on prayer, like my Prayer Page.

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