It is with fear and trepidation that I return to Facebook. Two famous people who care about my success were pressuring me to do so, telling me I would never have a successful business in the 21st century without a Facebook account. They told me that my fans wanted to know about my family and what I’m doing. I totally don’t mind living a public life. I do that on my blog anyway. My children are hams and keep asking when we will make our next YouTube video. God gave me the perfect family to suit God’s calling on my life.
But I was very resistant to return to Facebook. You see, it used to be an idol for me. I’ve been off Facebook for a year now, but during the 6 months preceding that, I practically lived on Facebook. I had found friends that I knew from all over the world, and I could keep in contact with them daily. That alone was a high for me. But to make matters worse, my spiritual gift causes me to want to help people, and I ended up helping people all day long. Even at night, when my husband wanted me to watch TV with him, I was counseling women. I felt that the need of a hurting woman was greater than the need of my husband, since I didn’t care about the program he was watching anyway. This meant that I was prioritizing strangers ahead of my husband. Eventually God abruptly unplugged me, and I had no idea why I was kicked off. I never cussed or anything. I never even said anything controversial, to my knowledge. Maybe I had made friends too fast, since I had accumulated over 500 friends by the time God unplugged me.
I went through a period of withdrawal. Seriously, I walked around bewildered, not knowing what to do with the time that I had normally spent on Facebook. It was wrong for me to feel sorrow over the loss of so many friends, but I missed the high from helping people and knowing what my friends were doing every day. I had been praying for some of them, and I suddenly forgot their names, since the only reason I was praying for them was because I was reminded of them when I got on Facebook.
So now it’s been a year. I did not re-start my previous account. I’ve started fresh. I’m scared, to be honest. I loved it too much before.
When my husband helped me to open my account a couple of nights ago, he looked at me sternly and said, “It can’t be the way that it was.” I promised him it wouldn’t. I never break my word. But it’s the first time I’ve made a promise that actually made me scared. You see, I have an all or nothing personality. I give myself heart and soul to everything I do. I wasn’t sure if I could keep that promise, and yet I made it anyway, because I knew that if I didn’t, it would be sin. And I didn’t want to sin.
The morning of the first day, I was having coffee in the living room, praying before my children got up. As I was praying, I felt an irresistible urge to go check my Facebook account. Why, oh why? I had friended my best friend, for example, and I wanted to see her reaction. I wanted to see how many of my real friends had friended me back, and the sweet things they would say to me. I wanted all that. It was like a magnet. And I wanted more and more friends. A woman with pink hair friended me. I have no idea who she is, but I love her so much I want to hug her. Why? I don’t understand. What is so compelling about Facebook? I don’t get it. Maybe it’s influence. Maybe I like the power of being involved in people’s lives on a daily basis just with the click of a mouse.
I said to myself sternly, “You may NOT check Facebook until you’re finished praying.” So then I started praying as fast as I could. Honestly. This is bad. I slowed down on purpose, almost praying in slow motion, just to punish myself. I wanted to cry. This was day one. I cried out to God, “Please help me. I can’t do this right without You.” I turned around in my heart and was “present” with God. I felt tranquil not to leave God’s presence to run to my idol.
I’ve spent less time on the computer since I joined Facebook, less time on my business, my blog, and the Homeschool Channel. I accomplish just as much in way less time. I shut the computer off completely for hours at a time during the day, more so than I used to. I suddenly realized that the reason God wanted me back on Facebook was to show me the incredible amount of time I was spending on the computer, and that He wasn’t pleased. That first day, I had way more energy physically from being off the computer. The reason I had fatigue was because too much time on the computer drains you. I would have never known that, because I have a business to run, and I need to answer people’s e-mails, and none of that is sin. But I can be more efficient at running my business, just like I’m efficient with homeschooling.
So yes, I’m back on Facebook. And it is with fear and trepidation that I embark on this journey again.Tweet