The Importance of Friendship

the-importance-of-friendshipI bet your husband would love to go shooting with a buddy, or play lazer tag, or just go do whatever guys do. But, no. Men are married, and they’re not allowed to leave home, or they’re bad husbands. It means that they are neglecting us as wives, and that they love their buddies more than they love us. That’s what we make them feel like.

So my husband has no one to hang out with. The men would feel guilty if they did.

Whenever I go to my “Mom’s Night Out,” my husband says, where’s the “Guy’s Night Out?” There isn’t one. Women deserve breaks, but men don’t. Women need rest, but men don’t. Men never burn out.

My other question is, why is it that men have more trouble making friends than women do? At church (not recently, but usually) someone asks me how I’m doing, and I give them a run-down on my soul, what God is teaching me, and whatever else is on my mind. I have deep spiritual conversations. I hate chit chat and dump it at the first opportunity. And yet when I overhear men talking, it’s all chit chat. No wonder they don’t know each other. No wonder they don’t hang out. It’s because they’re strangers. It’s almost like guys have to have known the other guy during their childhood to even be considered a friend. Bummer, because we don’t live where my husband grew up.

I get phone calls all the time from people who love me. I’m popular. People need me. If the phone rings, my husband says it’s for me without getting up. He’s right. This is just stupid. My husband is a great person: funny, intellectual, and spiritual. But men have their own clicks of people they grew up with. How on earth is he supposed to use his spiritual gift with other people in the body of Christ if no one ever hangs out with him? And he’s not the only one. I bet your husband feels the same way.

I just know how much my own girl friendships mean to me. My best friend has been a pillar in my life. She rebukes me when I’m sinning, she becomes outraged when I’m wronged, and she prays for me when I feel despair. Several times in my life back when I was single, I packed up all my belongings and moved to Texas, just because that’s where she was. That’s how much her friendship means to me. When she calls me to get my opinion, she knows I’ll give it. And if she disagrees with me, I don’t feel threatened in any way. I feel mentally stimulated to think about the situation from a new angle. That’s because I’m listening to her.

How many men have this? This is valuable. I think that in the body of Christ especially, it is vital. And yet we never let our husbands have the time to go escape, to breathe, to be understood as a guy. Because you know how wonderful it feels to be understood as a girl. But guys don’t need that, of course.

I’m just saying that we should encourage our men to go fishing or hiking with whatever men they feel like hanging out with. Just for the sake of friendship. Without making them feel bad. It’s worth it. Your man will come back refreshed, just like you do when you’ve had time with friends.

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8 Responses to “The Importance of Friendship”

  1. jen says:

    Agree, agree, agree…I think within a there has got to be room for both husband and wife for alone time with their own friends.

    My husband has a few friends that he see regularly, I love when he comes home all full of smiles laughing telling me funny stories (edited for my ears of course) after being with them.

    As for me; I have my night or lunches with the gals for years.

  2. That’s funny. My husband is on an overnight golf/ranch trip with a few men from church as I type! 🙂

  3. Melissa K says:

    Want to hear something funny? My husband just met your husband at Cabela’s (and then again at McDonalds!) while they were both out with all four kids. He called me to ask if I knew you and to give me the address of your website. It feels weird typing this while they’re still in the same place!

    I so completely agree with you. I encourage my hubby to hang out with guys anytime he has an opportunity. He has never abused it, just as I’ve never abused getting girl time. I once read something about the sense that husband’s needing a hall pass to go out. I think it’s ridiculous and also feel that wives have no idea how much it would benefit not only their husbands, but also their marriage!

    We homeschool as well. I’m looking forward to browsing your website. 🙂

  4. Yup, so true, was just encouraging my man the other day to GET OUT WITH SOME FRIENDS! He is less creative and comfortable in a variety of situations so he asks guys over or out less then I do with my girl friends. I no it is important and so does he so I sure hope he goes for it more. Enjoyed your post.

  5. My husband’s gospel quartet had to break up after seven years because one man’s wife so rarely “let” him have even one performance per month. Often, a concert would get booked, but he would have to back out at the last minute…at his wife’s insistence.

    The quartet practiced at our house every Monday night (something else she resented). This man had a God-gifted voice. He loved singing with “the guys” and was the first to arrive and the last to leave each week. He loved the camaraderie. He loved the music. He loved ministering to congregations.

    But he had suffered as a child of divorce and had sworn to make family his top priority. Every time the quartet tried to put together performances, his wife threw “your family is supposed to be your top priority” his face and accused him of abandoning them.

    The other men, and especially my husband, shook their heads in wonder, frustration, and ultimately, pity.

    And I’ll admit, I could never understand why this woman preferred having a hen-pecked, disappointed husband every single weekend rather than a happy, fulfilled husband almost every weekend. Seemed like a no-brainer to me…

  6. e-Mom says:

    Hi! Welcome to Marriage Monday at Chrysalis. I enjoyed your post.

    Our group topic this week is “Children.” You’re invited to join us in two weeks for the group topic, “Infertility.”

    I look forward to reading your thoughts on these subjects.

    Blessings, e-Mom ღ

  7. Rebecca says:

    Interesting that my husband and I are typically the opposite on this. He makes friends easily while I do not. He doesn’t like to go hang out with other guys much though, even if I encourage him to. I guess we enjoy each others company.

  8. Sophie Bowns says:

    Hi Susan, I’d say that I have a few close friends rather than LOADS of friends. But I quite like it that way 🙂

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